Fighting Spirit

Written By: Samantha Sebben

(Ryan Byrne/Unsplash)

There’s a saying that “it will eventually get better,” one that gets thrown around in almost every difficult moment.  But it seems that sometimes, it will never truly get better. It feels like something  that is only said by people who do not live with what pains you.  

To live with something so parasitic - something that eats away at your soul and mind, something that roots itself inside you - is to understand that “better” is not always permanent. It will come back; gnawing at you the moment you try to let go.  

It will be there when the conversation dies down to a quiet lull. It will be there in the four second gap as you wait for the next song to begin. It will be there after you turn  your phone off to sleep. It will be there when you’re walking, and your thoughts come to a stop as you let the wind guide you. It will be there when you open your eyes, ready to start a new day.

It will be there, rain or shine.

(Tom Barrett/Unsplash)

It is an evil that has no issue waiting. At any moment it might return, crashing, and there will be nothing you can do to stop it.  

There are some things in life that cannot be ignored. You can claim to have gotten better, to  have never been rotten at all, but you cannot deny its existence. It will come back and you must face it.

Eventually, you will realize that living a life of distractions is futile. It will only hinder your  ability to recover. It may never disappear completely, but it will not always be hell. Just as the tidal waves come in and out, it too will pass only if you work with it.  

Attempting to ignore what pains you, to bury it where no one can find it, to smother it  to a smaller size, will not solve the problem. You cannot get better if you work against the tide. To act like nothing is wrong, like nothing is weighing you down only makes it stronger. 

Not only must you not work against the tide, but you also must work with it. You must take ownership of your life and decide to make it better.  

To truly recover is not to believe that you will never hurt again. It is to understand that there will be days where it gets worse and decide, anyway, that you will not lie down and let it consume you.

Because you are not what pains you.