On the Deer Search

Written by: Victoria Cuellar

My eyebags felt like cannon balls under my eyes. I had woken up at 5 in the morning and begged my friend to lend me her camo hoodie. “Could I go with you?” She asked, but I had to slightly lower my head in mock despair. “No, you can’t. This is something I have to do alone.” Once I left the lodge, I walked a path that could be crossed in ten steps, but I stretched it out over a full minute, breathing so softly it could have been the springtime air. I was so silent I could still swear to this time my heart didn’t even beat the moment I saw the deer. I took out my phone.

We were face to face.

I could almost touch its silky fur. 

Well, almost.

Face-to-face... ish. Pictures taken by Victoria Cuellar.

At some point I thought I was a deer repellent because I was doing all of the advice the locals were giving me:

1. Go on the lookout for them during sunset or sunrise

2. Wear clothing with lots of patterns

3. Find fields with tall grass

4. Don’t make any noise

You’d think I was the one who found deer first.

I am here to tell you with an angry, deplorable sigh- I was not. My friends found them as they were trotting in the middle of the day, wearing clothes with solid colors, and chatting away throughout the woods. AKA, all of the things the locals told me not to do. I was banging my head against a wall everyday, until this one eventful day, where I saw a deer three million miles away from where I was and ran the moment I took that photograph.

Perhaps you'd think I regret waking up that early, putting all that effort to only get my wishes "half-met," but I actually would do the process all over again. At some point the search for deer felt less about the deer, and more about the process of the search.  It was thrilling– every sound could be a deer walking by. I often looked at the horizons at the back of the truck, took long walks that forced me to slow down. I saw sunrises in flower-covered hills and on my way back said hello to the gardener’s dog. 

No, I don’t regret anything. I am thankful for the deer that I saw. I am thankful I took the chance. The journey was my reward.

Collage created by Victoria Cuellar.